


Fuck It

by ascatman



Series: Steven Rickiverse [1]
Category: Rick and Morty, Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drunk and sloppy makeouts, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, crack ship, rick and pearl bond over lost love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 06:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4696097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ascatman/pseuds/ascatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m not a prude.” Silence followed her words and she was worried she’d said something entirely stupid until she looked up to see Rick giving her his full attention between drinks.</p><p>“Could’a fooled me.”</p><p>“I can have fun.”</p><p>“Prove it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck It

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a grossly upsetting crossover AU that I'm planning on fleshing out a whole bunch as I come up with more shit to throw in there. Comments and kudos are always appreciated, please let me know what you think because holy hell this is more of a crack ship than I ever thought I would be writing.

It was never meant to become a thing. “Just a quick stop,” he’d told Morty, while nursing the last of whatever he’d last filled his flask with. Sure he could blame their late departure on any number of things, his portal gun malfunctioning, the ship running out of fuel, but the truth wasn’t anywhere near as interesting. Home was boring, that was the short version of it, it was boring and filled with people who didn’t get him and didn’t appreciate the things that he did for them. They’d been here in this other dimension for a few days already and Rick could only describe his efforts toward getting them home as entirely nonexistent.

Morty seemed content enough with his new friends, and Rick had to admit that these “crystal gem” chicks weren’t half bad. They were hot, didn’t take his shit, and (probably best of all) they weren’t even human. It wasn’t where he thought he would wind up, but he had very little to complain about, aside from how overprotective they all were of the kid. Steven had those wide eyes that always seemed to be thirsting for knowledge, Rick found himself heavily considering whisking him away and leaving behind Morty and a note saying he’d be back later, then just conveniently disappearing from the radar. He’d get so much more done with a helper that actually seemed genuinely interested in helping him, rather than one who always seemed to get caught up in whining about how he broke his legs, or how he couldn’t breathe in certain dimensions.

Honestly Rick should have cared more about what he was asking of the people around him. Somewhere deep in his mind was the thought that was slowly being unearthed by the third beer he was downing of the night. Drinking wasn’t supposed to make it hurt worse.

“Rick?” 

The sudden voice sent Rick’s head turning, knee jolting up to smack on the column of his steering wheel. He looked up to see Pearl standing right next to his door. However the hell she managed to sneak in, he had to admit he was impressed. Maybe it was the booze clouding his senses and making it harder for him to stay sharp, or maybe it was that he was playing music too loud to even properly hear his own thoughts. Hissing a curse under his breath and rubbing at his knee, he narrowed his eyes into a glare. Pearl was both his least favorite and the most interesting of the gems. Stuck up and prudish, yet somehow so smart and agile, if she had Amethyst’s personality then Rick would have snatched her up in an instant and flown the coop so fast that no one would have seen it coming.

Pearl looked annoyed, not that she ever tended to look anything else, especially when dealing with Rick, and she simply tapped her foot and crossed her arms as though she was waiting for a proper acknowledgment of her existence. When Rick adjusted his seat to lean back further and down the last of his current beer, Pearl finally knocked on the window and shouted for him to turn the music down. There was nothing that Rick wanted less than to deal with a god damn lecture right then, but something told him that maybe this was his chance to get the chick to loosen up a little. So he complied, lowering the volume to an acceptable level before popping the locks and quirking a brow at her. There was a moment of hesitation before Pearl’s fingers found the handle, but before she could get Rick’s door open, he was grabbing his side and holding it tightly shut. He could hear her indignant huff through the glass and he nodded in the direction of the passenger door before she could go getting herself all worked up over nothing.

The way that Pearl turned her nose up at the offer made Rick think she would just turn around and leave, but much to his surprise (not that he cared either way), she strode around the ship and opened the passenger door, before settling herself into the seat. A look of disgust crossed her features as she shifted around and kicked a few bottles out from under her feet, and then she was shutting the door and crossing her arms once again, nose pointed fucking skyward like she was so much better than Rick.

“Does your neck ever— y-you get sore looking up at-at-at the fucking ceiling all the time?” Rick’s stutter filled sentence was accompanied by a long belch and the hiss of a beer can being opened. Pearl’s scoff could have been heard from space.

“Frankly, Mr. Sanchez, I find your mannerisms and general demeanor to be nothing short of disgusting and inappropriate. How you are allowed to care for a child is beyond me.”

“You liter- _urp_ -ally just called me Rick. Sh-shut up with the unnecessary— with-with the freaking formalities.”

Pearl jolted as there was a sudden sensation of cool metal against her arm and she whipped her head around to shoot a glare at the beer that Rick dared to have pressed against her, as though she would actually take it. “I find the amount of respect I have for you dwindling by the second.” The can remained against her skin and she pushed herself further against the door in her attempts at maneuvering away. “And I am _not_ taking that swill!”

“Uh huh.” Rick tossed the can in her lap and then they were lifting off the ground. One fist closed tight around the wheel as the other held his beer to his lips. The sound Pearl made could only be described as scandalized, as though Rick had just spilled something on her. “It’s not even open, j- _urp_ -ust chill out, don’t even—d-don’t even trip, dog.”

There was a high pitched sound that came from between tightly clenched teeth and the ship swayed slightly in the air as Pearl hurriedly fastened her seatbelt before gripping the edges of her seat and directing her fuming expression down at the beer that had settled between her thighs. “I’m not angry about the _beer_ , you dolt, how dare you just take off without even bothering to _warn_ me? I didn’t even have my seatbelt on, you could have miscalculated and—and—“ The sentence ended in an exasperated sigh and her hands came up to cover her eyes. “Why am I even bothering.”

“Not that you can see it with y- _urp_ -your hands over your eyes, but I’m shru- _ugh_ -ugging in response to your— to y-your rhetorical que- _urp_ -question. Oh and also we’re in space.”

The nonchalant way that everything was said left Pearl dropping her hands down to her lap with a groan, her eyes rolling, only to stop partway through as she caught sight of where exactly it was that they’d traveled. Her lips formed to mouth a soft “oh” and she couldn’t stop the tint of blue that seeped into her cheeks as she caught herself thinking too hard about how she had clearly underestimated someone as disgusting as Rick Sanchez. The fact that a man like this had as much scientific knowledge as he did was a mystery. One that would have left Pearl feeling frustrated and angry on any other occasion. There was something different about this though, it was so quiet and the view was so breathtaking, she didn’t even bother to stop and think about how he’d managed to get them up this high this fast.

“Rick,” she said after a moment of gawking, brows drawn together as she brought her gaze over to the man in the driver seat, “this is amazing.” She let the fact that she was impressed win over just how upset she was that a drunkard like this could have accomplished so much.

“Y’know what’d make it even more—ev-even better?” He gave a suggestive waggle of his eyebrow and shimmied himself a little closer to Pearl, until she was recoiling at the scent of his breath. So much for this being a lovely evening.

The color in her cheeks darkened as Pearl placed a hand on Rick’s shoulder and made a move to push him back. “I can assure you that I am in no way interested in your idea of a good time.” Her words were met with a laugh and then Rick was shaking his head and peeling her hand off his shoulder.

“I like that that’s the first- _urp_ th-the first place your mind goes, Pearl. But i-in-in all seriousness, I was talking about the beer.” He gestured with his partially empty can at the full one in Pearl’s lap and he could practically feel her face heating up with some mixture of anger and shame that she let herself immediately be swayed into assuming Rick had been talking about anything else.

When Rick finally settled back into his seat, Pearl was left looking unamused, though she did pick the can up to inspect. “I fail to see how space can possibly be improved by getting drunk.” The can was spun around slowly, still somehow cool despite having been between her legs for so long.

“Jeez, i-it’s just one beer, y-y-you’d have to be lightweight of the year to be— to get fucked up off of that.”

“Don’t try to pressure me, Rick,” she replied quickly, though her voice was soft, brows furrowed low like she was deep in thought. “I don’t even know if gems can… can _do_ that. I don’t drink.”

“No, really? Never would’a- _urp_ g-guessed that one.” Rick rolled his eyes and shook his can to gauge how much he had left to go.

Pearl scoffed and gripped the can tightly in her hands as she sat up straight and started drumming her nails along the metal. “No, you don’t understand, I don’t drink _anything_. Ever.”

“Wh-wh-what are you, some kind of higher being wh-who reached enlightenment bef- _urp_ -ore hating bodily functions was cool?” Rick didn’t even seem phased by what Pearl probably thought was some big revelation about her character, he simply held his can up as though he was making a toast. “Congrats on— on, I don’t kn- _urp_ -ow, being better than the rest of us pathetic pieces of shit, or something.” He took a drink then, like it was a real cheers to Pearl’s hatred of drinking, and he swore he could feel her fuming.

Her nails paused in their relentless tapping, pointer finger hovering over the tab. Words she’d heard so many times from so many people echoed in her head, laughing at her for choosing not to drink or eat, poking fun at her sensibilities and how she never found it in herself to cut loose and enjoy life. She had her reasons and up until then she had shoved those reasons way deep down and pretended that they didn’t actually have any effect on the way that she held herself. She breathed in deep and her shoulders shook as she let it out slowly, finger popping the tab of the beer at the same time. Before she could double guess herself, she had the can pressed to her lips, cold fluid filling her mouth with a bitter taste that left her feeling like she needed to gag.

“People like to say th-that beer’s an acquired taste. L-l-like if you drink enough of it, you’ll g- _urp_ -get used to it.” Rick shrugged, tossing his empty can aside and reaching for one of the many bottles of harder shit that he kept under the seat. “It’s more like, the more you drink, the better you feel. Wh-wh-why d’you think I’m always so— why I’m always drinking?”

Pearl frowned down at her beer, holding it in two hands on top of her firmly pressed together knees. She wasn’t sure she wanted to get accustomed to the taste of beer, or if she wanted to give in to the trope and use it as a means to feel good. “That’s called being an alcoholic,” she voiced her thoughts aloud, then slowly raised her beer to take another drink. It didn’t make her gag this time.

“Never said I wasn’t,” came Rick’s reply, followed by a belch and then the sound of rattling metal as he lost the cap to the vodka he’d just opened. “Shit, well that’s gone for- _urp_ -ever. Guess we gotta— we’re gonna have to drink the whole thing.”

There was absolutely no way that Pearl was going to allow herself to get swept up in alcohol, though she did reach out to take the bottle as it was offered to her. She was at least glad to see that no, the bottle had not been completely full, and she brought it up to her nose to take a quick sniff of its contents. Immediately she was coughing, making a face and shaking her head like this was the foulest substance she’d had the displeasure of smelling, and Rick had the audacity to laugh at her. She shot him a glare that could kill and then finally raised the bottle up to take a drink. She could cut loose, she could have fun, she was going to prove it.

“Oh my goodness, what manner of awful--? How can you _drink_ this?” She sputtered and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, beer held between her knees to keep from spilling as she practically choked on the vodka. Rick gestured at her beer and she gave him a look that seemed to say that she _knew_ already, and picked up the can to drown down the aftertaste of hard liquor. It made the beer taste good in comparison, and she found herself drinking down more of it than she’d intended as she worked at getting that terrible taste out of her mouth.

Then Rick was swiping the bottle from her and taking a good long drink for himself, unlike Pearl he seemed to savor the burn, swallowing it down with a sigh that sounded more like it belonged at the end of a drink of ice cold cola. The bottle was passed back and this time Pearl drank without hesitation, immediately following it up with another sip of beer.

The silence that followed wasn’t entirely unpleasant, nor was it really awkward, though Pearl could have attributed that fact to just how much her head was beginning to swim. Was this what getting drunk felt like? She let her head press back against the seat, face turned to the window so she could watch the stars. Suddenly there was a full can of beer being tossed in her lap and she grunted in response, looking over at Rick with a confused and annoyed expression, until she moved to take another sip of her beer and found it empty. The annoyance on her face grew as she set the empty one down among the trash on the floor and picked up the new one to frown down at its label.

Rick was leaning against his seat, body turned almost entirely toward Pearl as he slumped down and continued nursing his vodka with small sips every few seconds. It was like he was waiting for her to tell him they were done, to call it all off and demand that he fly them back home and leave and never come back. That thought shouldn’t have made her chest grow tight. It was a feeling she didn’t like, but she couldn’t stop it, the warmth of alcohol settled in her stomach coupled with her admittedly unstable emotions and suddenly she realized she was starting to dent her beer between her fists.

“I’m not a prude.” Silence followed her words and she was worried she’d said something entirely stupid until she looked up to see Rick giving her his full attention between drinks.

“Could’a fooled me.”

“I can have fun.”

“Prove it.”

The way that Rick said things, like there was nothing more to life than kicking back and partying, made Pearl furious, it tripped all kinds of switches in her and made her want to scream while simultaneously proving herself. Why _shouldn’t_ she try to have fun? Why did she always have to play the role of responsible mother while everyone else did whatever they wanted? It wasn’t fair, she missed having fun, she missed how things used to be. The thought hit her so suddenly and unexpectedly that she couldn’t stop herself from popping open her beer and throwing it back in hopes that she might drown it away. _She missed Rose._

“That’s mo- _urp_ -ore like it. J-j-just— whoa, okay wh-what’s- what’d I do wrong?”

It took Pearl a moment to realize that he was actually talking to her. She took a deep shuddering breath and brought one hand up to wipe at her face. She didn’t know when she’d started crying, but now she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. “I… I don’t…” Her beer was placed between her legs so she could use both hands to attempt to stem her crying, but it was too late for that and her shoulders shook hard as she finally let out a shuddering sob. Alcohol was a bad idea, she didn’t know that getting drunk would make her feel things she thought she’d buried, that it would make images of people long since gone flood into her head and fill her up with every emotion she’d ever felt at once.

And Rick just sat there watching, a mild look of concern on his face. He’d seen Pearl get worked up in the short time he’d been here, but he hadn’t seen her lose it like this. The bottle of vodka dangled between his fingers as he ran his free hand through his hair and waited for Pearl to cool off before offering the bottle out in a well meaning gesture. “This’ll help, trust me.”

Pearl wanted to tell him no, to slap the vodka out of his hands and demand that they go home, but her chest tightened once more and then she was taking the bottle and letting out broken sobs between small drinks. “I sh-should’ve told her.” She sniffled grossly, but couldn’t find it in herself to care. “She’s… she’s gone, Rick, a-and I never… I’m a _coward_!” Her fist came down on the door, eyes screwed tightly shut as she clung to the neck of the bottle like it might actually help.

There was little doubt in Rick’s mind about what Pearl was crying over, some lost lover, someone she never got to tell her feelings to. It was something he could relate to, and maybe that was why he found himself reaching out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Maybe they weren’t as different as he’d originally thought.

Pearl flinched at the initial contact, then melted into it, leaning toward the hand as far as her seatbelt would allow. She hit the bottom of the bottle and choked out an apology for being so rude as to finish it on her own, before dropping it down to the mess of cans and bottles on the floor. “I just n-never got to really prove h-how I felt, you know? A-and then _she_ with-with _him_!” Pearl’s gaze finally turned to meet Rick’s. “He’s a _human_ , Rick, what did he have that _I_ didn’t have?”

Another silence hung in the air, broken only by Pearl’s sniffling and shaky breaths. Until Rick finally spoke up. 

“Fuck it.”

“E-excuse me?”

“Fuck it,” he repeated, “fuck her and fuck him.” He could feel Pearl’s shoulder tense in his grip and he gave it a squeeze in return. “Wh-wh-why would you wanna waste all this o-on-on someone who obviously didn’t give enough of a f- _ugh_ -uck to stick around? Humans are over- _urp_ -rated anyway.”

Despite the crudely worded way of putting it, Rick was sort of right. It didn’t stop the hurt and it didn’t make her miss Rose any less, but her tears at least slowed down enough that she felt like she could give wiping them away another try. “Everything was so perfect before he came along,” she said after a moment, turning her gaze back down to her lap and taking another small sip of her beer in the hopes that she might be able to completely stop crying.

“And now life is shitty and meaningless b- _urp_ -ecause she picked someone else, right? Been there.” He had to quickly fish out the closest alcoholic beverage to drown his current train of thought before it took off somewhere he didn’t need it going. “Sh-shit happens, Pearl. Drink it away or let it—let it control your life.”

A look of realization came over her then, and she found herself nodding, drinking down the last of her beer and crushing the can in her fists. “I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but you’re absolutely right.” She tossed the can to the floor and looked up at Rick, face streaked in snot and tears, and for once she wasn’t actually worried about how she looked to someone else. “I shouldn’t let this dictate how I feel. I’m sad and I probably won’t ever stop being sad about it, but I can’t let something I have no control over run my life.”

Smiling softly, she offered up a “thank you”, before her brows furrowed and she tilted her head. Her hand came up to rest on the one that was still on her shoulder and Rick averted his gaze from that look of concern on her face.

“Did you lose someone too?”

Rick prided himself on being hard to read, keeping his emotions buried under a pool of vodka had saved his ass more times than he could count. But the way that Pearl looked at him then, her features softening as all the fluids on her face started to dry into cracked trails, he knew she could see right through him. His fingers twitched against her shoulder, before he was pulling his hand away and rubbing it like it was sore.

“I-I don’t…” his voice trailed off as he realized that there was no point in lying to Pearl, she was smart enough that she’d sniff it out in an instant. His gaze met hers once more and he actually fumbled for the nearest bottle like some sort of nervous habit.

“Yeah,” he replied finally, and the entire air between them seemed to change as another silence settled in. She didn’t ask about it, didn’t pry for details, but he could feel her eyes watching him, questions she wanted to ask forming on her lips without really being said. When she finally looked ready to speak, he made sure to break the silence first. “You think you’re a fuckup, Pearl? I-I-I fucked up so bad th-that I—that I cost myself what was pr- _urp_ -obably the last shot I had at-at actually being with someone.” He paused to drink, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, promptly drooled down his chin again. “It wasn’t even just-just _someone_ , Pearl, I’m pr-pretty- _ugh_ pretty sure that this was-w-was the one, y’know?”

Pearl nodded, she knew all about that feeling, and she reached out a hand to gently pat Rick’s shoulder, trying to reciprocate how nicely he’d treated her while she was having her breakdown. Rick looked as though he might actually cry if she let him continue on like this, he was hurting and beating himself up, just like she always hated to admit doing to herself. They really were more alike than she’d ever wanted to admit. Rick was staring down at the bottle in his hands, mouthing something to himself, and Pearl’s lips trembled before she finally spoke up.

“Fff-“ a deep breath, she could do this “fuck it.”

Rick’s eyes went wide and he looked up with such shock on his face that Pearl actually felt her cheeks heating up. She really just said that. The urge to apologize hit her, but she pushed it down, a determined glint in her eyes as she firmly gripped Rick’s shoulder and gave him a small shake.

“Fuck i—“ She drew in a sharp breath through her nose as a pair of lips planted themselves on hers, effectively cutting her off and leaving her in a state of utter shock. Her first thought was something along the lines of how disgusting she was, that she had just been crying and was covered in snot and tears, but her thoughts all swirled around and dissipated in the haze of alcohol as she just took a second to breathe out and let herself go.

Rick’s hands were both on her shoulders, the bottle of whatever he’d been drinking lost and spilling out on the floor. He was breathing quickly, lips mouthing words against hers that she couldn’t bring herself to hear above the sudden pounding in her ears. Hesitantly, her hands found his hips and she realized somewhere under everything that Rick was practically on top of her. This was a bad idea, it was definitely not okay and she should definitely stop him right this second. If she was in her proper state of mind that would almost certainly be the direction her train of thought flowed. Currently, however, she found herself clutching at the fabric of Rick’s lab coat, tugging him closer as she parted her lips against his, only to immediately find his tongue licking against her own.

It wasn’t until she heard the click of her seatbelt being undone that she realized she was in too deep. Suddenly her eyes were wide and she was pushing at Rick’s chest with both hands, face turned to the side to completely break any contact that their lips had been sharing. “W-wait! Wait, stop, this… th-this is... I _can’t_.”

Rick pulled back, though his hands lingered on her shoulders for a few seconds longer, before he was swallowing and moving back into his seat. “It’s f-for the best anyw- _urp_ -ay.” Catching Pearl’s eyes for just a moment, he reached for the discarded bottle and downed the last of it with a cheers in her direction. “I’d probably be too much of myself for you too.” His fingers fumbled for the music dial and he turned it up before Pearl could reply. “Seatbelt,” he shouted over the heavy sax, and gave her just enough time to click it back into place before taking off back toward Earth.

Pearl refused to admit that she was disappointed. And as much as she would have liked to turn down Rick’s stupid radio and give him a lecture about verbal manipulation, she knew that he was right, she wouldn’t be able to keep her sanity around him. She kept her eyes on her knees and held herself tightly the entire ride home. She kept silent, not bothering to try to be heard over the music that Rick seemed content to warble along with.

She was silent when they reached home, and she stayed silent even after the ship shut off and the music died down. It wasn’t until she opened the door and stepped out that she finally took a deep breath with the intention of thanking him for a relatively lovely evening, only to find him reaching over to shut her door behind her. Then he was taking off again, leaving her clothes to flutter in the wake of his ship’s sudden ascent.

Pearl felt her eyes sting with the threat of tears, fists balling up and shaking at her sides. Until she took a slow, deep breath, and followed the moving star that was Rick’s ship until it vanished among the constellations.

_Fuck it._


End file.
